It’s the first day of 2012, and although I know that I could make New Years Resolutions, I know that I won’t stick to them. Instead, I am going to follow the lead of a number of people, including Amber at www.strocel.com, whom I’ve known for longer that I will admit to you, and come up with a word that I will try to live by for the next year.
Sound easy? It wasn’t for me. It’s been a big year for me, in some ways. In other ways, it’s been pretty tough. We’ve had a lot of challenges, but also a lot of fun. I started doing pole fitness, which has given me back something that I lost a long time ago. Confidence in myself. It’s still a struggle, but now I don’t look at myself every single day with a negative thought. Some days, yes, but not every day. That is a big change for me. I’ve struggled with self-confidence for as long as I can remember. I’ve never been that girl who fit in easily, who was the pretty, popular girl that everyone loved. I’ve never been a tiny girl, no matter how hard I tried, and the awful, stupid, extreme measures that I took. I never looked like everyone else, dressed like everyone else, or listened to the same music as everyone else. I know now that these are some of the things that make me who I am today, but it’s taken me a long time to come to that realization.
I’m pretty sure that I’ve said this before, but through pole, I’ve proven to myself that I don’t need to be a certain size to meet the expectations and goals that I set for myself. I’ve shown myself, and maybe a few others along the way, that I am stronger and tougher than I realized, and that if I set my mind to something, no matter how hard it seems at first, I can do it. I knew these things once, when I was in the Army, but they are lessons that are easy to forget. At least they were for me. Sometimes, I am able to get a glimpse of myself through the eyes of those around me. Eyes that see me for who and what I am, not what I think I am.
This all translates into the rest of my life too. I am less stressed as a wife and mother, and I have an outlet and a place that I know is just for me. I am healthier, and physically stronger, more able to face obstacles as they appear in my path. I am setting a good example for my son, who understands about exercise, and how it can be fun. I don’t automatically jump to conclusions that I am wrong, or at fault, especially in cases where it is clearly not me.
I’m starting to believe. In myself, and in others.
So that will be my word for 2012. Believe.
I know that it’s not going to be easy. I feel like I am setting myself up a bit, but that’s ok, I like a challenge.
Do you have any resolutions? Or a word to live by this year? I’d love to hear them.
Happy New Year, my friends, and thanks for joining me on this journey.